Why It’s Hard to Escape Stress: The Brain’s Endless Problem-Solving Loop

When stressors are ongoing, it’s natural for our minds to feel hijacked. Our brains stay in constant problem-solving mode—like a computer running an endless calculation without reaching a solution.

Even activities like exercise, hobbies, or other coping strategies may provide only temporary relief.

The Caveman Mind

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a concept called the “caveman mind,” which explains how our brains evolved to create psychological suffering:

  • Early humans who were hypervigilant to threats, hoarded resources, and worried about social standing survived harsh environments.
  • Those who ignored threats and focused on enjoyment may not have survived long enough to reproduce.

Our brains still do precisely what they evolved to do: worry, strategize, self-criticize, and conserve energy, all while trying to protect us from future discomfort.

Using Committed Action to Show Up for Loved Ones

Committed action in ACT is intentionally acting in alignment with your values, even amid complex thoughts and emotions.

Instead of simply reacting to mood or stress, you choose how you want to show up. This doesn’t mean ignoring your thoughts and feelings; sometimes they contain important information that deserves attention.

Clarifying Values Leads to Committed Action

Values describe how you want to behave, not just how you want to feel. For example: attentive, curious, kind, ethical, honest, or affectionate.

Start by asking: What are the top three values for the area of life I want to improve?

You can tailor values for specific situations, such as:

  • Making dinner with the kids
  • Date night with your partner
  • Meetings at work

Example: At work, you may focus on efficiency; at home, you may shift into your playful, patient, and engaged parent role.

Seasoning Your Daily Interactions with Values

Think of values like a seasoning in a recipe: you don’t need a lot to make a significant impact. You can “season” moments in daily life rather than completely changing your routine.

Practical Example: Seasoning with Playfulness

Say you want to bring more playfulness into your interactions with your kids, but time is limited, and routines feel rigid. Instead of scheduling a significant activity, “season” existing tasks:

  • Add a joke while helping with homework
  • Take a short arm-wrestling break
  • Laugh at mistakes together
  • Make a silly drawing
  • Take a 10-second dance break between tasks

You don’t need to feel playful to act playful. Sometimes, the action itself can shift your internal experience—but even if it doesn’t, that’s okay.

Committed action means recognizing your frustration, worries, or self-doubts while still acting in alignment with your values. Your thoughts and feelings can exist, AND you can still engage meaningfully.